how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Randomize
