I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
