Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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