guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
