ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
