it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
