Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
