I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
