how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Terrible idea I love it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
