I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
