I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
