I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we made out on top of his cat.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
