the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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