I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
