I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
