it's too hot outside to masturbate.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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