party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
