I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
