so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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