We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
