yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
stop calling my apartment porn island.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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