It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
