you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
