just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
