Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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