Got a toothbrush?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
