you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize