there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
