She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize