I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
