We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
