the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
