He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize