You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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