smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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