Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
