I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
