someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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