Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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