I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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