i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
