He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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