Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
