I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
