Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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