i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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