put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
