This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
