so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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