She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
