His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
