i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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