piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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