I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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