MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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