you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
