turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
