If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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