I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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