Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy

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(330): View more from Ohio

no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce

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(561): View more from Florida

I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook

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(214): View more from Texas

I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina

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(914): View more from New York

He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.

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(410): View more from Maryland

On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks

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(614): View more from Ohio

You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet

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