dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
