well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
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Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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