Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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