can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
