she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
