but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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