Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize