i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I enjoy the company of your penis
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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