summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
