So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
