we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
