I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
