Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
