you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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