nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
