I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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