dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
