As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
