we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
