The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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