he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
