I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
